Old Blog Relic: Tales of Beedle the Bored

The Tales of Beedle the Bored

Jun. 12th, 2008 at 2:09 AM



I am "Beedle the Bored" and this is my tale..

take this:
- jobless for 9 consecutive months (and no, i wasn't pregnant)
- house is pretty much "as is" when we moved in (too bored to wipe clean since after 5 mins it'll turn dusty anyway)
- been hearing strange noises at night (a cat that only meows at exactly 2am, when i turn off the pc and go to bed!)
- getting more and more jealous of the neighbors (new paintjob, tiles, gate, house being remodelled, new appliance being delivered at their doorstep)
- i'm so bored i've been calling my clueless neighbors some silly names, i also got around to imagine weird stuff about who they really are....kinda spooky..
this will paint you a picture of what my neighborhood looks like..

manong stakeout 
armed with his binoculars and nightvision goggles (figment of my imagination)...could be weird though if its true.. 
he lives alone with his dog, he spends all day at home..
i wonder were he gets his money..could it be his dirty dealings...
my husband says he gave away his new bike to some guy he barely knows...is he gay? 
...and whats with the green curtains hanging outside the door? im telling ya, too gay..
thinking about how he gets by without a job, when one rainy night, a police mobile parked right outside his house. could they have caught him redhanded? well manong stakeout...you're not the only one watching... 
oh and sorry manong for Eve's Droppings.... (plugging my internet cafe idea: copywrighted, no more takers)

the aswangs
wall paint: royal blue
curtains: royal blue
mineral water: royal blue (i know...this color is standard..but i just had to add it : )
caution: as you walk past, dont look at them, dont stare, dont think, dont breathe, just....RUN straight home!

rihanna and chris brown (manong and manang Umbrella)
the house with a Micromatic Umbrella, permanently glued into the front lawn.
making everyone forget about what their house looks like, or do they have a picket fence..
people would quickly say, oh yeah the one with the Big umbrella..so mam rihanna and sir chris brown, 
forget about repainting the ol' picket fence..it will always be and only be your trusty Umbrella that people will recognize.. unless of course you get rid of it.....only then will you be totally.....no, not popular..but unrecognizable...who's to say that your umbrella was your lucky charm, without it, it'll be like staring straight into a blank house..

the whiteys
well this is a charming new development, they seem nice and friendly. hope to find out more about them next year when they finally move in. the whiteys are the whiteys since they drive a white car and the one who drives it is an old man with white hair and is accompanied by his old wife with stunningly thick white (almost platinum) hair.

two words -- Fuschia Pink!
can't stand the curtains, cant stand the soundtrack emitting from that house!
an everyday dose of siakols mighty hit "bakitbakitba", itchyworms classic "beer"
and all the jologs songs that only the jologs of the jolog will be able to appreciate.
jologs hits handpicked by none other than, the jologsmeister.

the kuto group 
nnay delia, middle house lady, tess...u know the traditional pinoy hagdan with matching taong 
nagkukutuhan habang nagchichismisan..thats what they remind me of. enough said.
well there was this one incident though when an angry wife marched off of their turf and yelled at this woman who is kinda part of the kuto group, she yelled something like this woman is a right ol' flirt trying to seduce her husband.
lesson learned, stay at home. dont meddle with the kuto group, unless you want to be yelled at.

manong gala
ops ops ops, san ka pupunta? (where are you going?)
negative vibes from the start, he's bringing in his hommies from baryo sapang bato. his sons friends are the epitome' of jologs (are they friends with the Jologsmeister?). manong gala is sooo gala he goes out everyday in his red motorcycle, and not just once everyday...he comes back every hour, and he does that the entire day. he could have made a fortune if he makes it a tricycle. but no, he goes around scouting construction opportunities round the neighborhood, kind of pissed off the whiteys there a bit, but no sir, he carries on, with his dark brows held high, looking for any new sacks of cement brandished on the front lawns, hoping to get his crew recruited..trying to score some extra cash and extra gas mileage..for extended gala time....

manong tambay
no issues here...(although i havent returned the pop cola bottle...perhaps they have an issue with me..)
well there is just one thing we noticed though, why of all places is their turf filled with tambays..
my husband and i thought about this theory: maybe the four to five houses that are in that block, each have a tambay living with them, so these tambay guys realized their worth (umm, nothing?) ...gathered up together and agreed to get a makeshift basketball court, with matching old mattress as protection (in case the game gets kind of rough...goodluck with the bedmites) what a bright idea! keeps children off of drugs. but it wont keep them off of beer, manong tambay sells beer to these tambays (his son included)...is manong tambay a wayward child in the 60's?

manang tagusan
nicely positioned mini grocery, a sort of a leaky cauldron, at the back there is a secret passageway to diagon alley.
well we just want to shorten our travel time. my husband used to buy a single egg everytime he passes by manang tagusan, just so he can pass thru the shortcut. but i told him, unless he wants to be a laughing stock at the store, he should buy something else other than an egg. 

tekla
nothing wrong with this lady really, she's not bothersome, thank goodness...
its just that her voice is so squeaky, its no wonder why the tiny tot sounds peculiarly like her..
like granny like kiddie..

the house with a very cute white dog
that would be us. the house wouldnt even remotely be noticed had it not been occupied by our one and only mabisyo dog, eve eve. she is soo cute and chubby just like her mom. our neighbors really like her, she is so sweet looking and does not appear as mabisyo as we know her. i guess people would see us as a simple couple. both homebodys (although my partner is struggling to be one..he's very outgoing actually) poor us, there aren't any remodelling done yet at our home and i guess our neighbors noticed it too, but we dont give a tiny rats ass. 
well just wait and see..our future project is soon to rise..

well, there you have it, these are the people in my neighborhood.
have to go to sleep now, its 2am...i wonder if i'll hear the cats meow again? freaky...

This is a very old post from my Livejournal Blog. Thought I'd share it with you.. 

Screenshot: Freeloaders Workout

Image: 1

The Best Things in Life are Free!

Do you stop to get "Free Taste" in the grocery? I know some people who would wait patiently for these..and I won't tell who that person is. OK, yeah it's my husband.

Images: 1

Battle of Ants and Humans (Digmaan ng Langgam at Tao)

My sincerest apologies to those who doesn't understand Filipino or Tagalog.

This post is my way of reminding myself that I need to practice more using proper Tagalog words. If you are somehow curious to know what the post is all about, it's a funny way of describing my misadventures with a pesky insect, the ant. Don't worry I will try my best to translate. I'll be your humble translator. Speaking of translators, here's a funny quote from a brilliant movie. 
              I implore you to forgive my speaking of English, Jonfen...
              ...as I'm not so premium with it. - Alexander Perchov (Everything is Illuminated)

Liham na lumalarawan sa labanang walang humpay sa pagitan ng langgam at tao.
(A letter that describes the never-ending battle between ants and humans.)

Ang Nagkakaila (Disclaimer):
Kung may mga pangungusap na di maunawaan ito marahil ay dulot ng kagat ng langgam.
(If there are sentences that you do not understand, it's probably caused by the ant bites.)

..at dito po nagsimula ang maaksyong mga eksena. (and here is where the action scene begins..) haha, nakakatawa mag-translate..(haha, it's so funny to translate..) Even more hahahaha...

Ang daming langgam sa lababo at kalan! (There are so many ants in the sink and stove!)

Naglinis ako ng lutuan pati sa may lalagyan ng tubig. (I cleaned the cooking area as well as the water jug.)

Parang pagkaing bulok ang baho ng placemat dahil basa ito at may sebo pang kasama. (The placemat smelled like rotten food as it was all wet and oily.)

Masakit pa rin ang kanang palad ko gawa ng lason ng langgam na bumiktima sa akin nitong tanghali dahil sa walang malay na paghawak sa kalderong may misua na sinabotahe na pala ng mga pulang langgam.
(My right palm still hurts from the ant that bit me this afternoon while I unknowingly held the pot with the noodle egg soup that the ants have already sabotaged.)

Nilinis ko ang mga placemat at ngayon ay pinatutuyo.  
(I cleaned the placemat and let it dry.)
Nilinis ko din ang paligid ng lababo. (I also cleaned the areas surrounding the sink.)
May hugasan parin sa gitna, at pigilan mong banggitin ko at simulang isa-isahin ang problema sa marungis at kalawanging lalabong iyan. (There are still dishes in the middle, don't get me started on the various issues of that dirty and rusty sink)
Nilagay ko ang lalagyan ng mantika sa puting lalagyan ng anik anik at nilagyan ng tubig na may likido ng joy.
(I placed the oil bottle in the bowl for just about anything and put water with joy liquid - joy dishwashing liguid) 

Nilagay sa gitna ang mantikang pinalibutan ng langgam sa leeg nito.
(I put in the middle the oil bottle with lots of ants surrounding its neck.)

Tinatadtad ko ng baking powder ang paligid at naglaglagan ang mga lintik na langgam na parang nahulog sa tuktok ng bundok patungo sa ilog ng likido ng joy at tubig na tila lason sa kanila dahil wala pang ilang segundo ay kumulubot na ang mga ito at namatay. (I filled it's surroundings with baking soda and the pesky ants fell off one by one as if it fell from a mountain towards the river of joy liquid with water which seemed like poison to them as they curled up and died in just a few seconds)

Pilit kong nilinis ang lutuan sa pamamagitan ng espongha na may likido ng joy.
(I strived to really clean the cooking area with a sponge filled with joy liquid)
Sinundan ko ang mga yapak ng mga langgam at dinala ako nito sa dulo ng maruming sipilyong panglinis ng kung-ano.
(I followed the path of the ants and it brought me to a very grimy toothbrush for cleaning stuff and what-not).
Ang sebo nito malamang ang gusto ng langgam. (The grease probably attracted the ants)
Pansin kong mantika ang puntirya nilang talaga. (I noticed they are really aiming for the oil)
Ngunit bakit langis ang iniimbak ng mga ito, at hindi ang asukal. (But why do they choose to store oil and not sugar)
Nagtaas na rin ba ang presyo ng langis sa mundo ng mga langgam? (Is there an oil price increase as well in the world of ants?)

Marami rami din akong langgam na napatay kanina. (I probably killed quite a number of ants a while ago)
Ngayon ay pinatutuyo ko na ang lababo at lutuan. (Now, I left the sink and the cooking area out to dry)
Bago ako umupo sa silya ay napansin kong mas namaga ang aking kamay. (Before I sat on a chair I noticed that my hands became more sore)
Ngayon, di lamang palad ko ang namaga kundi sa ibabaw ng kamay ko malapit sa singsing. (Now, my palm isn't the only part that is sore but the top of my hand near the ring as well.)
Parang namanas. (Like it's all swelled up)
May langgam na nagbuwis ng buhay para makaganti kanina, habang masugid akong naglilinis.
(There is an ant who risked his life for vengeance while I am fervently cleaning.)
Sinamantala niya ang mga sandaling nakatuon ang atensyon ko sa pag-is-is ng sebo sa paligid.
(He took the chance while my attention is directed to scrubbing all the grime around)
Kung nasan man siya ngayon, marahil ay hinirang siyang bayani ng mga pulang langgam sa nangyaring engkwentro kanina.
(Wherever it is now, it may have been tagged as a hero of the red ants from the recent encounter earlier)

Nag-iisip ako ngayon kung paano ko su-solusyonan ang problemang ito.
(I am now thinking of how to resolve this issue)
Di pa tapos ang digmaan.
(The battle is not over yet)

May araw ka rin langgam!
(You'll have your day too Ant!)

One of my Favorite Movies: Office Space

Office Space is a tribute to the Milton in all of us. Moving from one smaller cube to another then finally getting booted off to the basement where he was asked to handle the cockroach issue.



Milton doesn't get his piece of the cake (because the ratio of people to cake is too big) didn't receive his paycheck, Lumbergh deliberately takes Milton's Swingline Stapler and turns off the lights in the basement. There sure is hell to pay.

The coveted Swingline Stapler

 

Bill Lumbergh and his Initech Mug

Don't forget to turn in your TPS reports!

Using the new cover sheets of course! Did you get the Memo?

Umm...yeaaahhh we’re gonna need you to come in on Sunday..mmk?

Best bare-fisted beat down part scene I ever saw. One of them actually run back while everyone is walking away and start punching at the printer. They had to hold back Michael Bolton from smashing it more.

Memorable Lines from Office Space:

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're actually trying to do here is, we're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work... so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon?
Peter Gibbons: Eight bosses.
Bob Slydell: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

Bob Slydell: Milton Waddams.
Dom Portwood: Who's he?
Bob Porter: You know, squirrely looking guy, mumbles a lot.
Dom Portwood: Oh, yeah.
Bob Slydell: Yeah, we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here.
Bob Porter: I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago and no one ever told him about it; but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck.
Bob Slydell: So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch.
Bill Lumbergh: Great.
Dom Portwood: So, uh, Milton has been let go?
Bob Slydell: Well, just a second there, professor. We, uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it'll just work itself out naturally.
Bob Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem is solved from your end.

Peter Gibbons: You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael?
Bob Slydell: Oh yeah, we're gonna bring in some entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal.
Bob Porter: Standard operating procedure.
Peter Gibbons: Do they know this yet?
Bob Slydell: No. No, of course not. We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.

Sounds like someone has a case of the Mundays!

(Source: MiltonID, Stapler, Printer, OfficeSpaceQuotes)

When I was an Agent

 

Call Center Agent No-No's!

I can't do this right now, can you call me back?

Why do you guys keep calling me?

I'm sorry, you dialed the wrong number.

City Morgue, how may I help you?